I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
