if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.