Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
