My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Are my feet made of real feet?
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Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
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Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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