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my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
it was like eating out sand paper
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
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