Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.