Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life