we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
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his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
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That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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