I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
