His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
