Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
