I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
