it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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