It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
