Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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