I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
