I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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