What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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