Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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