How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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