Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
