You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
