I hate all girls vehemently.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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