just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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