I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just saw a hot homeless man
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
