speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
