two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize