I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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