I want to have your abortion
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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