don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
love makes seman taste better
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
