Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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