Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
