So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
