I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
