Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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