he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
