You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
