it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
