Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
