god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
