I am spending my child support on dildos
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You have to summon your inner elephant
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
