I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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