You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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