You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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