The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
