Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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