i don't plan on having that self control this summer
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize