i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
