I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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