Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
