you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
