I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
