I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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