Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
