u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
