If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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