be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
