If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
