Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
