I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Randomize
