a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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