That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
