gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
