she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
