Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
