and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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