shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
