Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
