Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
