i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
