my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
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